Do or die

Right now, I would like to write this post with a lot of expletives. Working in the profession that I do writing something on the internet for everyone to read that involved a lot of fruity language would not do me any favours so therefore I will exert a large degree of self control and merely use this forum to whinge. What's the reason for this downturn in mood? Paddling, or #*@!$~g paddling as I currently call it.

Adam and I went out for a paddle this morning and to put it mildly, it was not good. I could tell within the first 10 seconds that Adam was not comfortable again and we had 40 odd minutes of the boat twitching, support strokes going down and the boat being absolutely rigid beneath us. I tried the good cop / bad cop routine, Adam 'had a talk with himself' and we finally got the boat running pretty well as we pulled up at the portage at Hampton Court. However by that time the effect of the preceding hour had taken its toll on me. Being a weedy runner I need to get my lower body engaged into the stroke but when things are so tense in the boat I have a tendency to revert back to 'all arms' paddling so as not to roll the boat any more than necessary. As we came back towards Kingston I wasn't a happy bunny; I was a bunny in the death throes of myxomatosis, thrashing in the water getting progressively more black in mood, wanting nothing more than to be out of the boat with my arms and shoulders aching more than I would expect. The situation was now reversed with Adam now calming me down and encouraging me to keep my form until we got back to the club.

It is very frustrating for us both as all we want to do is to get out on the water, put the miles in and do the race. Ad genuinely cannot get his head around what's happening and it is purely a mental problem, block, whatever you want to call it that stops him relaxing in the boat. The upshot is that we end up using a lot of energy in the process of merely staying upright in perfect conditions, like it was this morning. We have paddled in some truly foul weather this winter and paddled REALLY well in those conditions. It simply does not make sense and the uncertainty of what paddle we're going to have when we go out on the water is pretty draining on us both. I feel for Adam, I really do. Short of us employing the services of a sports psychologist, I cannot see what else he could do to resolve this, but it seems that at the moment we are just going to have to live with it, keep paddling and believe.

The upshot of all this is that it's got me thinking about the DW in the future and I've decided that this is going to be my last crack at it for a while and quite possibly for good. I am ultimately a triathlete, not a good one but significantly better than I am as a paddler, and at the moment I am not doing either of them particularly well. I am simply spreading myself too thin. So, we ARE going to finish this bloody race and then my Dad can have my paddles so he can do it next year. I'll be back on my bike.